Our goal here is to bring you back down to Earth from that standard way up high where society likes to keep you thinking that unless you're performing that well, you're not doing it right! We call bullshit.
The season for new beginnings is upon us and one thing that is on our minds is changing the way we enjoy each other.
Spectatoring
Are you guilty of thinking of yourself during sex? No, no- not being selfish with the orgasms. But rather, imagining yourself performing, instead of enjoying receiving or giving pleasure. You lose focus, you have distracting thoughts and you're wondering what your partner thinks of your performance. Sex researchers Masters and Johnson called this spectatoring and it's linked to sexual dysfunction, body image and far fewer orgasms!
Even the steamiest of sex sessions can leave you wondering why your mind flickered somewhere else.
Sexual Mindfulness
You could have several completely different distracting thoughts- work, what you're having for dinner, the neighbour's dog- but; the one thing they all have in common is they focus on performance and climax. Let go of the thought that you both need to orgasm and let go of the thought about how you will reach that point.
It's time for you to shift this focus onto sensations.
Sexual mindfulness allows you to let go of these distractions and be present in the moment. Bask in that touch. Hear that heart beat. Feel that breathe on your neck. It's not about the orgasm, it's about being at peace with another soul. Sometimes our relationships turn into a mechanical cycle of what society tells you a romantic relationship is. It's automatic and without real feeling. Let us practice sexual mindfulness and in light of new beginnings, revamp our relationships.
It's massively empowering.
Tip- take off your clothes, climb into bed together and lay there naked and vulnerable. Spend some time talking and touching and listening to each other breathe. Just be.
First published 6th April 2022 by Vicky Crone.